I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
