she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
