I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize