Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
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You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
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It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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