absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
