Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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