You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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