I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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