He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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