I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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