I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he thought i was a dude.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
