Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
