oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
