there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
