best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
