youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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