So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think your dad took our porno
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
