I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
