I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
