You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I want to make a zoo with you.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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