im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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