i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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