And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
