babies were throwing up all over the place
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
