shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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