the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
