I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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