The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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