u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
