one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i think i have herpe
just one?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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