Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
