my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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