maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
