I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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