try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
