Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.

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(985): View more from Louisiana

Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write

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(678): View more from Georgia

How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.

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(512): View more from Texas

My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes

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(206): View more from Washington

She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..

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(702): View more from Nevada

Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.

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