The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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