yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
