So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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