I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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