I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You can't motorboat a personality
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
