So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
