What tipped you off? The sombrero?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
