right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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