I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
