Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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