Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
