benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize