seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
