Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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