I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
