Umm I'm too high to move.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
