Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
