I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
