I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
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i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
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And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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