My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
