Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
