Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Drunk is not a location!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
