sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
