he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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