The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
