it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
