You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
