I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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